Learn How And When To Say "NO"

“Take note of how people treat you after you say no to their demands.” ― Mitta Xinindlu 

“It’s only by saying NO that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” – Steve Jobs

"He who trims himself to suit everyone else will soon whittle himself away.” – Unknown

As humans, we are wired to be socially accommodating.

Rather than saying no, we tend to opt for the simpler option of saying yes when we receive requests.

We end up over-committing our time and resources, which harms us in the end.

If you are like this, then you understand that always putting others' needs before your own ends up making you a people pleaser.

When you say yes to something, you're really saying no to something else.

These are some possible reasons for this behavior:

• In order to avoid sounding impolite.

• To make others like you more.

• To avoid confrontation while trying to figure out how to get out of it later (which often doesn't work).

• You have a fear of missing out on something.

My Personal Experiences

Saying NO to people has never come easy to me and I usually try to find a way to make it work. Even if it meant inconveniencing myself, I would do so quietly.

I became aware that my emotional well-being and stress levels were affected as I got older. I was also prone to being exploited by those who knew my character.

I decided to prioritize my own needs and start saying no more often.

I remember something that happened during my dad's burial a few months back.

Some of my uncles were attempting to push their boundaries and take charge during the event planning, beyond what they should. They expected my family and I to agree to whatever they said.

Calling for a meeting and asserting my authority came as a surprise to them, as previously they only knew me to be gentle and unassuming. I informed everyone I would let them know the specific areas where I need their help and nothing else.

When they attempted to resist, they realized I was not willing to compromise.

Throughout the event, everyone respected themselves and worked together under my leadership. Standing up for myself and my family played a big role in making the event a success.

In the world of business, we had difficulty saying no initially. At first, we did it because we needed money to bootstrap, but it soon turned into a habit that was hard to break.

We kept pushing ourselves beyond our limits and exhausting our resources. Our inability to specialize held back our growth for many years.

We eventually realized the importance of narrowing down our focus and saying no to everything else. We noticed that our growth plateaued every time we dabbled in those other services.

It was difficult, and continues to be, especially when tempting opportunities arise that are not aligned with our goals.

Saying no to them forced us to concentrate and refine our focus. We had to make it work since we were sacrificing other things.

Focusing has resulted in the company growing much faster.

Why Say “NO”? - 4 Reasons:

1. Saying NO empowers you to have more control over your life, and make decisions based on what matters most to you.

2. It can help with stress management and avoiding being overwhelmed - You may find yourself overcommitted to friends, family, and coworkers. You'll end up stressed and burnt out. Life will continue even if you can't meet those needs.

3. Boosts your confidence, and earns you respect from others. When you know your priorities, saying yes or no becomes instinctive. This clarity will make others respect you more because they know you value your time and theirs, increasing your self-esteem.

4. Prioritizing what aligns with your goals saves time and resources to focus on what matters. You can rest as necessary, prioritize your interests, and achieve success.

When To Say “NO”

It can be difficult, especially when it involves close friends, family, or a professional environment.

I use these 4 questions to help me make a decision:

1. Is this in line with my current priorities?

2. Is the cost of this beyond my current capacity in terms of time and resources?

3. Is it something that would make me compromise my principles or morals?

4. What will suffer if I agree to this? Is this result something I can live with?

How To Say “No”

Polite rejection can be done with humility and clarity. These guiding principles are useful.

• Be honest – You do not need to lie about why you are saying no. A brief reason is enough, no need to justify your position or make lengthy excuses.

• Take a moment to think - don’t be pressured to give an immediate answer. Take time to think and ask more questions before agreeing or disagreeing. By doing this, you can understand what you're committing to or declining before doing so.

• Offer alternatives – You can also suggest other alternatives for the person to consider. Your response demonstrates that you took their request seriously. You can let them know if there's anything else you can do or a preferred timeframe to handle their request in the future.

Building a stronger relationship is possible by showing you've listened, even if you reject the request.

In Closing

The ability to say “no” could allow you to be more authentic and honest with others without being taken for granted.

If you're someone who likes to please others, turning someone down may result in feelings of guilt.

There's no reason to feel bad or guilty for saying no to someone's request. There is no apology needed when you say “no”

By learning to say no politely, you can simplify your life and avoid confusion. It results in a higher quality of life and a positive mental state.

Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:

1. Do you have any specific personal or career development challenges? Send me a message. I'd like to learn more about it and see how I can help.

2. Follow me on Twitter & LInkedin, and subscribe to this newsletter to continue receiving relevant strategies to grow your business and career, and achieve the life of your dreams.