Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One

“Finality has a particular way of making you see every small, precious thing. It opens your eyes with a newfound appreciation for everything that is present and tangible.”
― Jennifer Hartmann, The Wrong Heart

“He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.”- Psalms 147:3

 Losing a Loved One

My dad suddenly experienced severe stomach pain at the beginning of February.

We couldn't have anticipated that was the start of a difficult path of hospital stays, medicine, surgery, and vigilant care.

Eventually, his passing occurred on 31st March after 6+ weeks in the hospital, and he was laid to rest a few days ago.

All that is left is our own reflections and pain. As the eldest, I was constantly reminded to be tough for the family and to act like a man.

I realized quickly that I had to take on the roles of both a “husband” and “father” for my mum and siblings.

Trying to meet the expectations of others and yet still dealing with your own sorrow can be overwhelming.

It can be a struggle to focus. on work and other responsibilities.

Life can become meaningless to you.

Death can be hard to accept, especially when it's a parent who has been a constant in your life.

The absence of their support, direction, and affection can create a huge void and hurt that could appear unfixable, even if their passing was expected.

Grief affects people in various ways. Common emotions that I, too, experienced include:

• Struggling to accept their death and feeling emotionally disconnected.

• Deep sadness and hurt, sometimes filled with resentment or rage.

• Holding oneself responsible for their death.

• Staying away from anything that reminds them of their loss

• Never-ending yearning and nostalgia for the lost.

• Struggling to focus on pursuits and future plans after the loss of a loved one.

• Feeling like life is empty and meaningless without them.

• Questioning God and having a weakened faith (if religious).

As I progress in my journey of healing, these are the lessons I have learned so far.

1. Take the time to grieve.

I tried to keep it all inside me, but I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so overwhelmed that I had to shut myself in and cry.

It's been said that tears can cleanse the soul like soap cleanses the body.

Crying does not make you weak. Don't hold back your tears if you feel the need to cry.

Let go of the guilt you feel for the things you said, didn’t say, or did.

No one else can decide when it is time for you to move on from your grief.

Suppressing feelings of sadness only makes the healing process longer. Acknowledging the pain is a key part of healing.

Unprocessed grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and medical conditions.

2. Take life day by day.

The days were a daze for me in the beginning. I had difficulty concentrating on anything.

Establishing a daily routine that involved taking a walk, praying and meditating has really been helpful for me.

I've discovered that even if a lot of time has passed, moments of grief can still be so strong they take you by surprise.

Have patience with yourself as you progress towards a life of healing and renewed purpose.

When you are hurting, remember that it is because you have loved and have been deeply loved.

3. Stay in touch with the people who matter to you.

Being around people who support you is important.

Several long-time friends reached out to me and shared meaningful moments and inspiring words.

There were a few who had suffered the loss of a dear one and shared their stories.

I was amazed by the many offers of aid and support that I was given, which meant a lot to me.

Accept help, and talk about your grief, your memories, and your experience of the life and death of your cherished one.

Don't think that by hiding your sorrow, you are shielding your family and friends.

4. Create positive memories

I am by nature a private person.

Writing my feelings and sharing them with others aided in my healing process, as you can see from this letter.

You can honour the life of your loved one by expressing your feelings in creative ways, such as journaling, sharing stories with others, or collecting keepsakes.

These can all help you make their memory meaningful, and keep them a part of your daily life.

5. Take care of yourself

Feeling grief drained me of energy, and it still happens from time to time.

Our mental and physical state are related.

When you're physically well, you're more equipped to handle emotional stress.

Getting plenty of sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising often can help with stress and tiredness.

Don't use alcohol or drugs to escape your grief or make yourself feel better.

Physical pleasures like massages and eating my favourite foods helped me a lot in managing tension.

If you are a religious person, find time to speak with people of your faith, pray and meditate.

While it may be difficult initially, you will find wisdom and comfort in the Word of God which exists for every season, including mourning.

6. Prepare for anniversaries

I have friends who have lost family members too.

They reminded me to be prepared for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, aware that difficult memories and emotions could resurface and it is quite normal.

It's up to you if you want to preserve the traditions you and your loved one had or make new ones.

Avoiding loneliness by being with others and doing something special are two ways to plan ahead.

Please Note:

Are you continually unable to do anything, socialize, sleep, eat or have thoughts of harming yourself?

Then you should seek professional help immediately. 

Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:

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